How Government Run Health Care Will Save Money

If you wonder how it's possible that a government-run health care system could possibly save us money, consider this scenario:

It’s 2011. Two men, unaware of each other, seek treatment at a healthcare clinic at roughly the same time. One is in need of a kidney transplant. The other is 30 pounds overweight and experiencing massive gastrointestinal distress. On the surface, these appear to be two completely unrelated medical situations that should be treated separately. But in a new age of progressive healthcare, where medical professionals will be rewarded for crafting financially efficient medical solutions, the clinician will be required to delve deeper into the two cases.

A quick review of their paperwork reveals that the kidney transplant patient is an autoworker, and a UAW member in good standing. The fat man with the stomachache is a stockbroker, and a member in good standing of the Greenwich Boat & Yacht Club. Advantage: Autoworker.

Next, a review of automobile registration records reveal the stockbroker is driving a 12 MPG Jeep Cherokee. Further, a review of his driving record indicates that, 2 years before, he ran down a defenseless fawn with said Cherokee. The autoworker’s records indicate he took full advantage of cash-for-clunkers legislation, as well as his UAW exemption from any healthcare tax surcharges, and upgraded to a smart new GM hybrid. Advantage: Autoworker.

Finally, a thorough review of the families reveals that the stockbroker and his wife have 4 energy-sapping children, one of whom has Downs Syndrome. The autoworker and his wife have two children, one more than the state-encouraged limit. But off-setting this transgression, the autoworker has three abortions to his credit, including one late-term abortion that carries bonus weight. Advantage: Autoworker.

This thorough analysis provides the clinician with a terrific rationing opportunity. Offering the stockbroker a shot to relieve his pain, he instead injects him with a paralyzing agent that gives him just enough time to harvest the stockbroker’s kidney, which he packs in ice and gives to the autoworker with directions to the nearest transplant facility. The stockbroker is given some literature on the dangers of trans-fat consumption, and told that he can return for treatment if he can produce evidence that he has terminated his Downs Syndrome child.

And that’s how it works! I hope this little exercise illustrates the magic of healthcare rationing and how it can save the non-taxpaying Americans money.